Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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