You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
