So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
