i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
