summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
