I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
