i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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