he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
