Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
