I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
