I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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