You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
