I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
