I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
