coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
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like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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