just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
