You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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