The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
