DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
