Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
