So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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