Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
