We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
