Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
