Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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