Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize