the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
