even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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