yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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