My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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