Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
