Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
