im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
