I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
