1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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