my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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