i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
His nipple licking is glorious
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