God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She's the barista slut.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
