Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
