if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
