stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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