Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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