I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
