I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
