So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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