What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
