Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
