are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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