Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
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I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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