I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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