Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dude. I can hear the air.
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