everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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