He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
