And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
