could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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