My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
