real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
love makes seman taste better
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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