a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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