i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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