Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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