I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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