I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
