Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
