8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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