I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
PANTIES FOUND
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
