is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
