dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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