im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
