First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
