I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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