she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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