no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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