On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
