I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
