you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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