You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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