Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
