Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
