just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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