So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
